Reasons I want to be Jessica Fletcher:
1) Top selling author & never seems to have any bumps in the writing road
2) She lives by the water
3) Gets to go to New York (and manages to restrain herself from eating from the cart on the sidewalk vendors)
4) Has loads of friends & family (though a disturbing amount of them get arrested for murder)
5) Great clothes
6) She never seems jaded by all the death (note: the episode always ends on a freeze frame of her laughing)
7) She’s smarter than every detective and cop she meets
8) She’s an older woman (at least, back then, classified as older), a widow who remains active and self-reliant
9) She’s an amazing cook
10) Even if she justmet a person, she somehow becomes their confidant
Reasons I could NEVER be Jessica Fletcher:
1) If my certain members of my extended family were suspected of murder, I’d be more likely to plant evidence than seek their release.
2) I’ve been known to cry at a wasp’s death (in my defence, I didn’t think the death was necessary), dealing with garroted victims, gunshot wounds, and stabbings would most likely lead to my throwing up, than throwing out theories.
3) I have an instinctual submission reflex to anyone who carries a gun, pepper spray, and handcuffs.
4) My husband is not allowed to die until I give him permission.
5) I’ve been known to burn water.
6) I’m really not good at meeting strangers (to recap: in party settings have 1) inadvertantly insulted someone’s career choice (2) inadvertantly insulted someone’s religion (3) been mistaken for someone else’s wife (4) inadvertantly intimated someone’s kid was a thug