I want to be the female version of the Dos Equis man, The Most Interesting Man in the World. What a freakin’ great marketing idea. Seriously. It defies stereotypes, and the ads are genius…for those who haven’t seen them, go here.

We have a PVR and when those ads come on, I rewind, just to listen. The folks that wrote up the lines are my writing gods. They really make me want to be the Dos Equis man–who wouldn’t be with a line likem “He once had an awkward moment…just to see what it felt like.”

That was the line that did me in…other fantabulous lines that crack me up, and make me want to change my job:

He lives vicariously through himself.
He once taught a German shepherd to bark in Spanish.
Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact number.
When it is raining, it is because he is thinking of something sad.
His shirts never wrinkle.
If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there.
You can see his charisma from space.
His reputation is expanding faster than the universe.
He can speak Spanish…in Russian
When he wakes up the roses smell him.
He sleeps with a night light, not because he’s afraid of the dark but the dark is afraid of him.
He didn’t just taste fearĀ¦ he ordered seconds of it.
His personality is so magnetic that he cannot carry credit cards.
People hang on his every word, even the prepositions.
He can undeniably prove that the Bermuda Triangle is, in fact, a parallelogram.
Sharks have a week about him.